Riding a Drunken Horse

My inner consciousness and outer consciousness seem to be dukeing it out, claiming each is in control. Ever see "All of Me" with Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin? If not, try to see it. Soooo funny. There's a scene where both of them are inhabiting one body and they each want control. The result, in the film, is knee-slapping hilarity.

That's how I feel. Only I'm fighting myself. My earthly personality is strong and stubborn and afraid to let go. My inner self is not as strong, but is equally stubborn. It doesn't really want to take control. But it wants to be allowed to grow stronger. When it is briefly allowed to shine, all of me feels better.

But my earthly self, the fearful, cynical, depressed and anxious self is like an all-devouring monster that pounces on whatever peace and joy I manage to find, often obliterating all sight of them behind a cloud of sadness.

No, I don't suffer from dual personalities or a form of schizophrenia. I'm just recognizing that the part of me that lives in and reacts to the physical world, is getting in the way of my spiritual progress in a major way. I'm still me, but there's a lot more to me than I've realized during the major part of my time in this life.

Does that sound crazy? It doesn't to me. (Maybe that, alone, should cause me concern.) But I realize that, to the casual observer, reading my blog entries is a lot like watching someone trying to ride an inebriated horse. It feels a lot like that, too.

Somehow, I need to sober this horse up and get it to work in cooperation with me.

Wish me luck.

Love to you all, with much joy and peace shining through. Keep your horses sober. Life's so much easier that way.