What a Day!

What an unusual day. I can't say it was a really happy day. I feel like my heart is breaking, but can't pinpoint the reason. Still, all in all this was a pretty good day. I got nearly enough sleep. I had a good session with my shrink, Mike. I'm almost always in a better mood after I see him, even when our session is intense and gloomy. Today's was fairly lighthearted.

But later I  got an email about the upcoming Walk for the Cure that raises money for pediatric cancer research. My daughter, Lyra, who fought cancer for more than 3 years has had a team walking for her since before she died. I couldn't participate because I was a paraplegic by then and unable to get up into a wheelchair. There were so many things I missed out on in Lyra's life that year or so between the time I became bedbound and the day Lyra's tortured little body released her spirit. I was very sorry for myself when that happened. But I am happy for Lyra.

I think maybe that reminder is what has my heart hurting so much. If so, it will recover. She had such a bright spirit, full of love and joy, that I have a hard time staying sad when I remember her. And there are times I could swear I feel her spirit near me.

I am a novice student of spirituality. Not religion. I see some truth in many religions, but I also see cruelty, selfishness, tyranny and hypocrisy along with goodness. Seems to me that, in an effort to make sense of things that humankind will probably never be able to make sense of, people just got more confused. And whatever caused all this to come into being, even if it's a vast interconnection of vibrating energy, is no more understood now than the first creatures who began to try and make sense of things did. How do you explain the unexplainable? You can't so you make stuff up. That's the part of organized religion that I shun. Also, in my opinion, people who are secure in their faith don't try to force it down the throats of others. In my viewpoint, God, or whatever you want to call Him/She/It doesn't care if you're religious or spiritual or an atheist or a serial killer or Hitler or Rasputin or a US president who sacrifices thousands and millions of people in unnecessary wars. Part of our vibrating energy is shared with the creator's vibrating energy. Review the song, "All Together Now" by the Beatles. Didn't George write that? If so, since he went to spirit, I'm pretty sure his soul has advanced.

I went the long way around to telll you about something that happened this week. I was suffering, deep in my heart. But I continued to read books and watch videos about spirituality, especially about guardian angels. I think they're probably advanced spirits, but guardian angel will do as a marker. I do believe in them and have for decades because of a class I took on healing from a Choctaw woman. She had me come to her house alone one evening to determine how many "helpers" i had. She had me stand up straight and still, but relaxed, and said that my helpers would touch me gently on one shoulder. So I waited awhile, but then felt a touch on my right shoulder, gentle but firm. It couldn't have been her. She was standing across the room. The touchings went on much longer than I'd expected, then one touch was more like a shove, I lost my balance and I burst out laughing because it felt very playful. I repositioned myself and it went just a bit longer. Then it stopped. I waited a couple of minutes but it was over. She told me that I had 19 helpers. She said everyone has helpers and we can use our helpers to speak for us with other people's helpers. I did this several times and was always successful.

So, this week I asked my guardian angels, or helpers, for help. I was massively confused and asked for help finding understanding. That was a couple of days ago. Nothing miraculous happened. I was still confused, but not as anxious or morose. Then, today, out of the blue, I got a call from a paraplegic named Eric. He offered me help and guidance. We didn't get much accomplished during the call, but I explained my problem and told him my goals which seem so impossible to reach. He offered to talk to a friend ofi his who is a doctor, who has information. Eric and I are scheduled to talk again mid-April. He will be away doing some training, he said, until then.

So did my helpers find help for me? Who knows for certain? I like to think they did.

BTW, with the help of the antibiotics I'm taking, my blood sugar is gradually going down. I think it's turned out to be a good day, after all.

Thank you, Elizabeth, for your kind words. They really touched my heart. And thank you to my other friends for your kindnesses and support when I most need it. I wish you all peace and joy in your hearts, always.