Already, when I look at my friend, I no longer see his spirit shining through him. I remember, kind of abstractly, that it was breathtakingly beautiful, but I couldn't in any way describe it except that it was bright and infinite and full of love. I was fortunate to see it with the clarity that I had when all this began, because I got a better understanding of what we are inside our human skins and how we all have potential that our minds don't recognize. It seems the lessons I learned are sticking with me and probably will because they are important to the growing of my soul.
As for my friend, I just see the human part of him now, but that is enough. He is a beautiful and wise person. We necessarily have boundaries on our relationship that must be respected, so being friends with him will be a bit complicated and, likely, somewhat limited, but will be exactly how it's meant to be. I love his spirit. How could I not, after seeing inside it, but I don't expect the human parts of us to feel that way. Time will tell how things will turn out.
I am changed because of that gift. I am more willing to love and to accept love. Life isn't something to be all that serious about. Well, I have to remind myself of that sometimes. And I still get furious when I see people being mistreated. I can't help that. It's a part of who I am as a human being.
Was all this my imagination? I've asked myself that. And I have to answer no. It was real. I know that, because if I had imagined it, I would still be imagining it. I would have held onto it with everything I had because it was that beautiful and joyous. I would have sacrificed every shred of my sanity to stay there.
So, no. I'm all too sane. It was a gift that the Universe gave me to lift me out of the infinitely deep well of despair I was falling into. Now I just need to sort out all the things I learned from it. I will meditate more. I will learn to slow my brain down and quiet it. That will be a challenge, since my brain is like twin spoiled toddlers who demand to be constantly entertained. And if don't give in to their tantrums, they lead me into very dark, frightening places in my mind that I avoid at all costs. So there can be an expensive price to pay if I don't get my methods right.
Something is telling me that I need to get some help with that problem, but I know who to ask, so no worries.
I'm grateful for the tolerance and understanding that my new friend showed me and continues to show. I hope he never forgets my description of the spirit I saw in him because that was very real. Believing in that will be helpful, I'm certain, in his life adventures and in the advancing of his soul. And that, alone, would make me feel like this life is worthwhile, especially my life since I became a paraplegic.
Yes, yes. I realize my life has been worthwhile at least once in awhile, but this would be the first time I felt something other than helpless and burdensome since my legs forgot how to walk.
Thank you, Universe, for the incredible and generous gift. Thank you, angels, for answering my prayers for help. Thank you, new/old friend for letting me see you as spirit. And thank you to all my friends and family for loving me anyway, even though you think I've slipped a few gears.
Peace, love and joy to all of you, for always.
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