The Gift

I have a new friend. Actually, he's an old friend, too. I recently wrote about recognizing him. I hadn't seen him in ages so it took me a long time to recognize him. It wasn't his face I finally recognized. That's changed a lot. It's a nice face with blazingly blue eyes that's easy to look at, but it's not the same.

It was his spirit. When I was jolted into the ability to see that, I was shocked. I've spent most of my life, since I was around 5, closed up to protect myself from letting others inflict pain on my childish, vulnerable heart. It worked. Mostly. But that also blocked me from opening my heart to giving and receiving unconditional love from bright spirits around me. I didn't even know they existed. I was independent, strong, and safe. I was also a fairy child, living alone in a world of fantasy, where I could exist without fear of being touched, emotionally.

I did have a crusader heart, as well. I made it my mission to defend those whom I saw being picked on for the sake of being mean to them. I befriended them so they wouldn't be alone. I built them up and made them laugh. I encouraged them to like themselves. I got them to the point where they had enough self-confidence that they didn't need me anymore. And then I let them fly. But I never did that for myself, and I was so folded in on myself that nobody could see how much I needed what I so freely gave to others. It was nobody's fault. I was an extremely self-contained human. My own family didn't even see it, and they loved me dearly.

I'm still a crusader. But now they call me a liberal. Heh.

So here I am, over six decades old, just learning how to open myself up so I can fly, too. That's why I was so shocked when I recognized the shining spirit of this person walk past, as familiar to my heart as the sun is to my eyes. I didn't know what to do or what to think. I thought, Oh.My.Goodness! What did I just see? What WAS that? I know him! I could see his oh-so familiar spirit shining out of his body like the comfortable beacon of the porchlight at my childhood home. 

First, I was so astonished I forgot to breathe. Then I thought, oh geez. This guy is practically a stranger to me, and an 18-year-old fresh out out of high school to boot! Have I finally snapped?

But, at the same time, I was jubilant. I KNEW AND RECOGNIZED an old friend! I had been working on breaking down all my emotional walls for nearly a year and had only recently thought of a way to open my heart -- and that was only because I was so desperately emotionally exhausted that I had to find some peace and calmness within myself. I was so far from flying, I was close to sinking under the muck at the bottom of that old familiar hole I kept having to claw my way out of.

I'm sure he doesn't see all this the way I do. I probably startled the hell out of him when I told him, but he was cool about it. He has some wisdom in him that I'd like to learn. Could be he has a much older soul than I do. My spirit has already opened up to so much wisdom since this happened that my mind can't sort it all out. I've been like a baby that's just figured out how to walk and am charging and lurching wildly around in my unfettered enthusiasm for this newfound freedom.

And that also may have been startling the hell out of him. Not to worry. I will settle down and calm myself. I just feel like I did as a child at the beach. There's so much newness to take in. I'm overwhelmed by it all. And the feelings! I've never been this open to feeling unconditional love before, or this much joy. It's better than... I don't know. I can't come up with anything in my life experience that even comes close.

I've learned how to fly.

A good friend told me that my new/old friend's presence at this stage of my life experience is the Universe's gift to me. While I was in so much emotional pain that it was almost unbearable, I prayed to my angels, pled with them, begged them for help and, if not help, then to let me go back Home where I could rest. I was sure my despair would block them from hearing. Then they sent me a gift in an unlikely package as an answer. And they let me have the way to see him. Thank you, sweet angels. I hope to also be a gift to him in some small way before life moves us apart again.

Thank you, too, bright spirit. I assure you, you are under no pressure. Just being you is perfect. Your spirit heart knows exactly what to do and be. It is wide open so that you touch everyone you come into contact with. You probably don't even realize it. It's simply who you are. But I have been given the privilege of seeing that bright light of yours.

I hope that all of you can feel and see what I've been gifted, and more, during your life experiences. Because it truly is an incredible gift to have. ❤️