A Turn-Down Day

My therapist visited today, after all. So I guess we're back on track. I asked him if he was reading my blog and he said no. He wouldn't because of our therapeautic relationship. Then he asked what I was writing about. It seems simpler if he would just read it. It also might save some session time. I was a little disappointed, but his reasons kind of made sense. But, since he doesn't read my blog, that means I can say anything I want about him and he'll never know. So it's not all bad.

However, there's nothing bad to say about him except that he's a conservative. We barely ever touch on politics so that's not an issue. He's a very good therapist, smart, insightful, caring and thoughtful. I've made a lot of progress with his help. I literally went from planning to die (though he didn't know that) to finding some hope in my life and managing to regain my sense of humor.

The funny thing is, not much has changed in my circumstances. I'm still a paraplegic, my legs are still contracted so that I'm unable to sit in a regular wheelchair, my spine is still permanently twisting from having to lie on alternating sides to avoid getting more bedsores, I'm still unable to do anything for myself or others, I'm still confined to my bed, I'm still waiting after several weeks to get a "jerry chair" (looks like a recliner on wheels) so I can get out of bed, I still am waiting, after weeks of asking, to talk to the home administrator and my doctor.

But my therapist called my ombudsman on my behalf because she never returned my calls. Maybe that will help. Maybe not. But I appreciated his effort.

What has changed is my willingness to keep advocating for myself, even if it takes weeks. So, even if I am taking one step forward then four steps back, I keep butting my head against the wall. That's changed. I credit my therapist for part of it, but a lot of it is natural-born stubborness on my part. He just managed, somehow, to boost me up so I found some self-confidence. And not a little indignation.

Last night I fell asleep right after I posted my blog entry and I slept straight through until 10:30 this morning. That's no guarantee I'll sleep tonight, but it's a start. However, I did not get a bath or shampoo. I'm guessing the aides found me asleep and thought, 'Yippee! We don't have to bathe Ms. Thompson tonight!' So I've felt pretty grungy today. My next bath and shampoo are on Sunday. I guess I can stand myself until then. !'ll try doing it the 17th century way -- by slathering on good smelling stuff -- until then.

The weekend, once a cause for celebration, has become a nothing time for me. I usually don't know the workers. I can't get anything done until administration comes back on Monday. TV is a total bust. My ex usually visits on Saturday for an hour, but he doesn't visit on Sunday so that his wfe and he can spend quality time together. So weekends are b-o-r-i-n-g. Bleh.

But, inexplicably, I'm still in a good mood. So maybe it's not a turn-down day after all.

Have a great, fun, and safe weekend, everybody. I'll be watching The Mentalist on CBS.com.