One side is humanity. That's what keeps me "alive", in this reality at least. I feel a connection to my fellow humans, a love and concern for those who need that, like the
Americans who will have trouble getting enough to eat without access to food stamps. I'm no Ghandi or Dali Lama. I'm not even the guy who gets up on a box in Hyde Park and does his best to save humanity in his own way, whether it makes sense or not. I'm just a bed-bound blogger who is stumbling around, trying to find some way to make some kind of a difference. And I have no way of knowing if it's working. Well, it's made a difference to me. I acknowledge that my life is getting better, and also that I haven't done that alone.
The other side is spirituality. I am a novice, a kindergartner, at knowing about that. There is a lot to learn. Part of the difficulty is that I can't see any way to separate the spirituality from the humanity, short of leaving this life behind. I'm not so sure they aren't meant to be intertwined, as long as I'm living this human life.
I've learned a lot from my difficulties in life, but not until I started studying spiritual matters and seeing my therapist. And the lessons of some of those difficulties, like becoming a paraplegic at the age of 61 escape me. In fact, the purpose for that perplexes me. It even makes me kind of angry because it seems so unfair. How am I supposed to make a difference if I spend years lying in bed? From what I've read, we are living our earthly (or whatever) lives in order to learn and advance our souls. (That's the third part of me that I'm not sure about. I don't know if my soul and my spirit are the same thing or separate. Like I said, I still have a lot to learn.)
Well, I guess I learned a lot when I was younger, but didn't really recognize them as lessons until recently. They were just things that seemed right, or wrong, depending on how you look at it. I had a lot of wisdom as a child that I didn't see as wisdom. The notion that there is no more to death than there is walking from one room to another, for instance. I don't know when that first occurred to me. It seems like I always knew it. But that brings up a whole new kettle of things I still don't know enough about so I'll move on.
I am fascinated by the exploration of life, humanity, spirituality, and their endless permutations. I know I don't have all the answers and that I won't, not even after I've gone to spirit and been that way for countless amounts of time. I don't care. I'm having fun and I'm advancing. I'm pretty sure I am approaching the end of this life and that I've been slow on the uptake, too. So I refuse to waste any more opportunities feeling sorry for myself. That's the plan, anyway. If life just doesn't throw me any more vicious curveballs and I manage to stay reasonably healthy, I might just manage to accomplish it.
Wish me luck, cross your fingers for me, and send positive vibes my way, will you? I'm going to need it. Oh, and some pizza, too. Thanks.
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